Auto disassembly

I see her now heaving and bleeding 

Blood pounds in my ears I feel sick and hot 

It's getting hard to breathe now 

I see the cold steel cutting pale sick 

and it hurts

One thought washes over reason and logic

One that is deep and primal

It resides within us all

The thought every one fears

 

Flee abandon escape retreat

It's all the same

 

Just 

Need 

To

R U N.

The cut off

My eyes are clouding 

And the sounds are muffling

Smell and taste long since gone

My hands arm numbing in this cold 

Is this dying I don't want to move or speak but lie here  

But why why don't I care why don't I feel any thing I'm lost

 No I know where I am just not where I'm going

Hunger

I'm sick

I can't eat anything strong

So I won't I don't 

I don't eat 

I'm not allowed to eat what I can

So I won't so I don't 

Instead I dream 

I boil the water and steep the leaves

I hold the cup tight it burns my hands but I don't feel

Or I don't care I can't tell the difference anymore 

When the warmth fades I tip the cup

But no satisfaction comes

Only look not a drop 

I watch as the thing that once gave me calm council hope happiness flows down the drain trapped in an unending spiral downwards now washing what it once gave me away with it what's left is the bitter smell of things lost my family calls me to eat but I tell them I'm not hungry they can tell I'm lying but they know I won't answer she scolds me for the weight I lose but I don't care I finished trying, I take  my blows stand and wait for another, freedom is a lie we enslave ourselves to one another 

We are 

Chained 

To  

The  

very 

last 

drop .

Mirror

I lost count at fifty four 

I deserve one thousand more

You disgust me look at what you did

And for what sleep you knew would never come?

You are pathetic someone tear your eyes out and fill the holes with broken glass

You don't deserve her and she deserves someone better

You little weakling I hate you so much

I know.

Stories

I'm done now I'm finished with life but I'm not going to die

I have so many places I will never go so much life I'm not going to live 

Then it's life was chosen to go on mine ended now I wait for it 

my waterfall

Be careful when you ask for a story for soon I'm going to run out 

I don't make stories any more I don't go out and live as I used to now days mostly I cling to the handrail living safely inside my line 

Yes my dear I will tell you a story but beware it may be the last I will tell

Glass cactus

I am so tired of hurting the ones I love so tired of losing them I took off my mask and buried my rage I even caught a glimpse of who I wanted to be I was done lying until I remembered that there was still a world out there but it was to late I had let the world in I opened up and trusted them I hadn't made the sweet mistake of trusting some one in a long time. My world is shattered and my vault is sealed again I thought I had heard something still  inside 131will take care of it but as shattered as I am I will rebuild I am a carpenter and every shard gives me a sharper edge

Liar

My mother told me she loves me...

I can't say the same without lying to her

It's wrong how we are 

I like my new family better